The phoenix burned, and then what?

Have you heard about the phoenix? 

To quote Wikipedia: 

In Ancient Greek folklore, a phoenix (/ˈfiːnɪks/; Ancient Greek: φοῖνιξ, phoînix) is a long-lived bird that cyclically regenerates or is otherwise born again. Associated with the sun, a phoenix obtains new life by arising from the ashes of its predecessor. Some legends say it dies in a show of flames and combustion, others that it simply dies and decomposes before being born again.

Yesterday I departed from my family in Alabama. I will let my sister tell you why I was there:

<insert Jordan's story/video>

Perhaps she will also tell you how she feels about the phoenix:

<insert Jordan's writing or video here>

The day is 29 December 2020.

Now I am in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, where I stay in a low-budget hostel. It is not my first time in Mexico. I was here just prior to visiting my family spending time in Sayulita and San Pancho.

Last night I fell asleep to noisy traffic by putting in headphones and listing to soft piano music. I think of my sister who also uses music to calm her mind. 

This morning I woke up grateful to be alive. 

I started again my morning practice of yoga to help wake up my body, meditation and a "spirit run". 

Before all of this I indulged in a cup of coffee and reflected on how the caffeine augments my mind and body. Coffee gives me pleasure of feeling more energetic, but also harms me; I notice the stains on my teeth.

During the meditation, I ask the divine me to what I need to see and feel during the day. 

For an hour, I ran along a river. I saw families starting their days. A man taking his horse to drink water. 

The proverb 'You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink' came to mind.

What does this mean to my sister, I wonder? 

<insert Jordan's writing or video here>

At one point in my run I hear the phrase "meditate, don't medicate."

My medication has been food. For one week I gorged myself on all the unhealthy holiday fare and maintained a constant sugar high. Sometimes at night I have what seems like uncontrollable cravings to eat even when I'm not even hungry. I could drone on about my unhealthy relationship with food and my body, but this isn't a story about getting stuck. It's a story about rebuilding into a healthier human.

"I do not have a mental or physical illness," I tell myself. 

The movie Fight Club comes to mind. I want to rewrite it as Peace Club in which the characters have competitions over who can meditate the longest. Instead of mischief, mayhem, and soap, it's peace, love and joy.

My sister wants to rewrite Girl Interuppted. Maybe she'll write or tell her thoughts on this:

Coming back to the spirit run:

I feel my pulse.  My, how thankful I am for the pulse and the blood that courses through my veins. 

As I write this, I tell myself I will do something to help another person today. Sometimes just listening helps other people. I've already listened to another female American who is staying at the hostel. Her story is similar to mine. We've both traveled to many places where life is very different from how it is in the USA. We have a difficult time returning to a country where anxiety is high and pharmaceuticals are doled out like candy to sooth the humans who think they can't deal. (She was a nurse).

What do these humans need to heal?

Love. Healthy food. Nature. Soothing touch. 

More to come... 

Guatamalan greatness

I spent three weeks in Guatemala.

Most of my time was spent in San Marcos Laguna, which is known for being a hippie/spiritual center. Many other travelers referred to it as a "vortex". 

Meanwhile I took morning runs to San Pablo, where I enjoyed many breathtaking sunrises.

The best part was saying "buenos dias" to the locals and seeing their reciprocated smiles.

This may help recreate the calm I felt jumping into Lake Atitlan:

6 Quotes By Buddha That Will Change How You See The World And Yourself by Sinem Günel

request from the broken hearted / retrospective

If your friends decide to divorce or break off a relationship, take efforts to support both individuals in the same way you would support them in marriage and/or partnership.


Do not take sides or engage in gossip and rumors -- it only fuels negativity that is very difficult to bear during a grieving process.

Also, in my experience, talking in person is waaaaay better for long-term mental/relationship health compared to using one-way communication methods like texts and emails.


End these face-to-face conversations with hugs as often as possible.

As a believer in positive psychology, I have learned that projecting best outcomes for everyone helps keep happiness levels at their highest.


*** 

WARNING: THIS PART CONTAINS SADNESS

It's been a weird two years. On the bright side, I'm feeling "net positive" on the human growth spectrum.


Between unexpected international travels and major life changes including career burnout, some people have expressed concern about me.


I'm okay. But I want to share a story about what made me not okay to help you/us (the human collective) help other people.

Nearly two years ago I made a decision to travel Southeast Asia on my own. This decision was made after experiencing an unexpected job termination despite being a top performer on my team. Furthermore, I also came to the realization that I was engaged in unhealthy relationships with myself and others.

As a chronic over-achiever, I was overextending myself in efforts to reach sales goals, continue athletic accomplishments, help with community organization, engage in creative projects, and be human.

In the process of taking on so much, I didn't always take the best care of myself nor did I dedicate time for fostering the relationships that mattered most to me.

My decision to travel came with both rewards and consequences. I felt at peace with myself after touring temples, running through mountains, eating healthy foods, and allowing myself to connect with people in meaningful ways.


By traveling, I gave myself the space I needed to grow.

Little did I know I would return to a war in Austin, Texas, where I had built a life with a partner.


When I learned that my partner wanted to divorce me following my decision to travel, I accepted his choice.

Aside from our relationship not being in a healthy state, a primary reason I accepted the divorce was that I was not yet ready to have children, and I was feeling under pressure from our family to procreate. I had (and still have) reservations about my reproductive capabilities due to a medical diagnoses that will put me in the "high risk" category should I ever become pregnant.


Little did I know that agreeing to the divorce would cost me in terms of friends and mental anguish.


In the heat of the Austin summer in 2017, I was unemployed, displaced from my home, and feeling too many emotions to be a productive member of society.



So I bought a one-way ticket to Amsterdam.


It was not easy "rebooting" in a foreign city on my own, but I was lucky to have found housing and work. I also made many international friends through fitness communities.



The most difficult part was losing all communication with the love of my life.




When I learned that my Dutch work visa was not going to be renewed in February of 2018 because I was "too good" and "not a good culture fit" for the company, I went into another tailspin.


I came back to Austin without a plan trusting that friends would be there for me.

Then the emails came.


Emails from people communicating that I was not welcome.


That I was mentally ill.

Boundaries were put into place without any opportunity for learn why and resolve.


I tried to make arrangements to establish dialogue and understand why I was being demonized and isolated. 

But I was denied the opportunity to communicate.



***



I've rationalized all of this hardship by respecting that everyone has their own emotional baggage to carry.

My baggage was too heavy.

Going forward, it's my responsibility to keep my baggage as light as possible.



***


TIPS FOR BEING A GOOD HUMAN:

- Define, communicate and respect personal boundaries, but be mindful about the effects of social isolation.

- Forgive and move forward. Don't rub a human's nose in the same shit twice -- you wouldn't do this to a dog or cat.

- Don't make assumptions or spread rumors. Remember that the game of "telephone" ends with confirming the original statement with the person who stated it.

- Limit the number of negative people in your life, but make an attempt to direct them to other sources of positivity.

a time for peace

Back in the US....S....Respect

Cutting out the pain and suffering from grief, beautiful and transformative lessons emerge from the healing process:

- Nature is the best medicine alongside sincere friendships and laughter

- The pursuit of monetary prosperity is not worth sacrificing health - emotional and physical well-being, nor is it worth diminishing relationships with close friends and family

- LOVE isn't a currency in the sense that it should be traded and negotiated. It should be felt, created, and continuously nurtured.

- Communication takes time and effort within relationships.

- When in "fight or flight" mode (with a few other "f" options coming to mind), it is best to take a deep breathe and assess the long-term effects of the chosen reaction.

#maturity
#love
#forgiveness
#acceptance

update

Celebrating love and life -- 
Forging new and old friendships
Making people smile
Slowing down to appreciate the nature that surrounds

Inspired by the Collective Best in Humanity 

Protecting my gentle spirit
Letting go of pains from the past
Building my inner peace warrior 

while having plenty of fun
and being blessed
in Amsterdam

ALL YOU NEED IS SELF-LOVE

Lovetarianism: to live off of love.

Love fills us up, makes us whole!
It doesn't just come from one other soul!

Love can be shallow; love can be deep.
Love can make us laugh; love can make us weep.

Love is no longer currency;
LOVE IS ELECTRICITY

(so powerful!)

Love is you, love is me.

LOVE IS US. LOVE IS FREE.

(go get a job, hippie)


- E.R.M/E.S.

---


My name is Emily Roberson McCoy. Some people call me Sparkles. There were two of us once; I've mourned and (am mostly) recovered from our loss.


I am incredibly inspired in Amsterdam doing all the things that make me happy:

- Learning and practicing sustainability
- Building authentic relationships with beautiful people
- FITNESS, FITNESS, FITNESS - Aerial arts and yoga! Spirit running! Bicycling adventures!
- Making granola
- MORE ART
- Staring at flowers
- being my fabulous professional hippie self.

---














Up next: news about my professional path . . .