If your friends decide to divorce or break off a relationship, take efforts to support both individuals in the same way you would support them in marriage and/or partnership.
Do not take sides or engage in gossip and rumors -- it only fuels negativity that is very difficult to bear during a grieving process.
Also, in my experience, talking in person is waaaaay better for long-term mental/relationship health compared to using one-way communication methods like texts and emails.
End these face-to-face conversations with hugs as often as possible.
As a believer in positive psychology, I have learned that projecting best outcomes for everyone helps keep happiness levels at their highest.
***
WARNING: THIS PART CONTAINS SADNESS
It's been a weird two years. On the bright side, I'm feeling "net positive" on the human growth spectrum.
Between unexpected international travels and major life changes including career burnout, some people have expressed concern about me.
I'm okay. But I want to share a story about what made me not okay to help you/us (the human collective) help other people.
Nearly two years ago I made a decision to travel Southeast Asia on my own. This decision was made after experiencing an unexpected job termination despite being a top performer on my team. Furthermore, I also came to the realization that I was engaged in unhealthy relationships with myself and others.
As a chronic over-achiever, I was overextending myself in efforts to reach sales goals, continue athletic accomplishments, help with community organization, engage in creative projects, and be human.
In the process of taking on so much, I didn't always take the best care of myself nor did I dedicate time for fostering the relationships that mattered most to me.
My decision to travel came with both rewards and consequences. I felt at peace with myself after touring temples, running through mountains, eating healthy foods, and allowing myself to connect with people in meaningful ways.
By traveling, I gave myself the space I needed to grow.
Little did I know I would return to a war in Austin, Texas, where I had built a life with a partner.
When I learned that my partner wanted to divorce me following my decision to travel, I accepted his choice.
Aside from our relationship not being in a healthy state, a primary reason I accepted the divorce was that I was not yet ready to have children, and I was feeling under pressure from our family to procreate. I had (and still have) reservations about my reproductive capabilities due to a medical diagnoses that will put me in the "high risk" category should I ever become pregnant.
Little did I know that agreeing to the divorce would cost me in terms of friends and mental anguish.
In the heat of the Austin summer in 2017, I was unemployed, displaced from my home, and feeling too many emotions to be a productive member of society.
So I bought a one-way ticket to Amsterdam.
It was not easy "rebooting" in a foreign city on my own, but I was lucky to have found housing and work. I also made many international friends through fitness communities.
The most difficult part was losing all communication with the love of my life.
When I learned that my Dutch work visa was not going to be renewed in February of 2018 because I was "too good" and "not a good culture fit" for the company, I went into another tailspin.
I came back to Austin without a plan trusting that friends would be there for me.
Then the emails came.
Emails from people communicating that I was not welcome.
That I was mentally ill.
Boundaries were put into place without any opportunity for learn why and resolve.
I tried to make arrangements to establish dialogue and understand why I was being demonized and isolated.
But I was denied the opportunity to communicate.
***
I've rationalized all of this hardship by respecting that everyone has their own emotional baggage to carry.
My baggage was too heavy.
Going forward, it's my responsibility to keep my baggage as light as possible.
***
TIPS FOR BEING A GOOD HUMAN:
- Define, communicate and respect personal boundaries, but be mindful about the effects of social isolation.
- Forgive and move forward. Don't rub a human's nose in the same shit twice -- you wouldn't do this to a dog or cat.
- Don't make assumptions or spread rumors. Remember that the game of "telephone" ends with confirming the original statement with the person who stated it.
- Limit the number of negative people in your life, but make an attempt to direct them to other sources of positivity.
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