In college, I was very proud of my 4.0+ GPA. I dedicated days and nights to studying and extra credit assignments to keep it hovering at a 4.2. Until my junior/senior year, I had only received a single B+ in my high school dual enrollment American History I course -- coincidentally my first college-level class. Luckily, the necessity of rote memorization eventually clicked, and I was able to ace American History II and nearly every course that followed.
Zoom forward three years to a jaw-dropping moment: seeing that pesky B letter again on my transcript.. I spent at least half of my academic bandwidth and waking availability dedicating myself to a class for a "Good" grade when I was striving for an "Excellent" grade.
I took it up with my instructor, and her explanation was that grades were decided collectively per feedback from my classmates (it was a team effort, after all). I remember her words very clearly:
"People don't like you."
I remember some more words about me isolating myself and how that wasn't conducive for likability. I think it had something to do with my grungy style, introspective nature, and intense fear of group-think. These traits would not have been so condemning if I was striving to sit in a basement somewhere creating logos, which was pretty much my goal at the time.
Within a week, I received the best advice I've ever been given from an adviser, who decided to part the words of wisdom at just the right time: "Make friends."
I cannot say that the advice stuck right then and there. I had friends after all -- the glorious New College hippies I love dearly and still visit regularly. But those words sure do resonate now. It took a lot of baby steps, but I eventually go the hang of being more personable outside of my small tribe.
Admittedly, I still struggle with lone wolf syndrome in some aspects of my life, but I've managed to make countless friends -- especially since moving to Austin. The whole "keep it weird" makes it much easier to fit in, and people here seem to be on a whole new level of nice and are super accepting.
Here's how I practiced making friends professionally and beyond:
1) Re-frame small talk. Small talk is more about listening than it is about mindlessly chatting. It provides opportunity to pick up on what people truly care about and how you can relate to them.
2) Find a common interest and run with it. Not unrelated to the first point, forming a bond over a specific passion can make for an immediate friendship.
3) Compliment, compliment, compliment. Nice words go a long way. Don't, however, talk out of your ass.
4) Be sensitive to others' perceived weaknesses and dwell on their strengths.
5) Make positivity a priority. Spell check tells me "positivity" isn't a real word, but it's my mantra regardless. I don't care if misery loves company -- positivity makes pleasant company and is absolutely contagious even in the face of adversity.
6) Granola. My recipe brings all the boys and girls to the yard. Seriously, people love food, and bellies have tunnels straight to the heart. Master baking has its place in the social world.
7) Use this sentence often: "Teamwork makes the dream work."
How do YOU make friends?
Zoom forward three years to a jaw-dropping moment: seeing that pesky B letter again on my transcript.. I spent at least half of my academic bandwidth and waking availability dedicating myself to a class for a "Good" grade when I was striving for an "Excellent" grade.
I took it up with my instructor, and her explanation was that grades were decided collectively per feedback from my classmates (it was a team effort, after all). I remember her words very clearly:
"People don't like you."
I remember some more words about me isolating myself and how that wasn't conducive for likability. I think it had something to do with my grungy style, introspective nature, and intense fear of group-think. These traits would not have been so condemning if I was striving to sit in a basement somewhere creating logos, which was pretty much my goal at the time.
Within a week, I received the best advice I've ever been given from an adviser, who decided to part the words of wisdom at just the right time: "Make friends."
I cannot say that the advice stuck right then and there. I had friends after all -- the glorious New College hippies I love dearly and still visit regularly. But those words sure do resonate now. It took a lot of baby steps, but I eventually go the hang of being more personable outside of my small tribe.
Admittedly, I still struggle with lone wolf syndrome in some aspects of my life, but I've managed to make countless friends -- especially since moving to Austin. The whole "keep it weird" makes it much easier to fit in, and people here seem to be on a whole new level of nice and are super accepting.
Here's how I practiced making friends professionally and beyond:
1) Re-frame small talk. Small talk is more about listening than it is about mindlessly chatting. It provides opportunity to pick up on what people truly care about and how you can relate to them.
2) Find a common interest and run with it. Not unrelated to the first point, forming a bond over a specific passion can make for an immediate friendship.
3) Compliment, compliment, compliment. Nice words go a long way. Don't, however, talk out of your ass.
4) Be sensitive to others' perceived weaknesses and dwell on their strengths.
5) Make positivity a priority. Spell check tells me "positivity" isn't a real word, but it's my mantra regardless. I don't care if misery loves company -- positivity makes pleasant company and is absolutely contagious even in the face of adversity.
6) Granola. My recipe brings all the boys and girls to the yard. Seriously, people love food, and bellies have tunnels straight to the heart. Master baking has its place in the social world.
7) Use this sentence often: "Teamwork makes the dream work."
How do YOU make friends?
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